The Rites of Life: Becoming Little Ladies

By Liz Barry | Audio slideshow by Kim Raff

Kaunyia Harvey sits quietly in the ear piercing chair at Claire’s Accessories in River Ridge Mall, chewing a wad of bubble gum. Her hair is woven into thick braids. On her fingernails are the last remnants of red nail polish.

With her mom at her side, the 10-year-old Lynchburg girl picks out her first pair of earrings: flower studs with hot pink rhinestones. Kaunyia’s been waiting years for this.

But not without a dose of dread.



Kaunyia hates needles. As the story goes, it once took seven people to hold her down for a shot at the doctor’s office. That was more than two years ago.

Today, Kaunyia is cool and composed. Then her body tenses as Claire’s employee Samone Bowlds prepares the piercing gun.

“Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it,” says her mother, Stacy Scott, in a firm but soothing voice.

“I wish I could do this in my sleep,” Kaunyia replies.

Mom extends a hand to comfort her daughter. Kaunyia rejects it. She clutches the chair instead.

Bowlds raises the piercing gun loaded with a needle-sharp stud to Kaunyia’s earlobe. Kaunyia jerks her head away. She can’t bear for her mom and brother, Jamaine Harvey, 8, to watch. She orders them to turn around.

On the second attempt — click — the earring stud snaps into place.

“Ouch,” Kaunyia says with a flinch.

Then she smiles. The pink stud twinkles in her ear. One down, one to go.

A small step toward adulthood

Ear piercing. It’s a rite of passage for countless American girls.

Ear piercing is nothing new. We’ve been doing it for millennia, donning our lobes with metal, bone, shell, ivory, glass and other eye-catching objects. The reasons have varied, from religion to rebellion, from a mark of class to simply decorative.

For American girls today, ear piercing marks a small step toward adulthood, a “tween-age” milestone for girls straddling the line between childhood and adolescence.

For younger girls, ear piercing may signify a transition from generic/androgynous child to a female/girl, says Tim Loboschefski, departmenthead and professor of psychology at Sweet Briar College. For older girls, piercing may signify the transition from girl to woman, he says.

Ear piercing also makes a public statement, a common characteristic of rites of passages. The child is letting the world know, “I’m a girl,” Loboschefski says.There is also an element of emulating older role models — be it a celebrity, teenage sister or mom, says Nina Jablonski, department head and professor of anthropology at Pennsylvania State University.

Ear piercing is also about fitting in. During the transition from childhood to adulthood, “association with and acceptance by peer groups becomes extremely important,” Jablonski says in an email.

In Lynchburg, Claire’s Accessories is an ear piercing hotspot. On any given Saturday, Claire’s employees may pierce upwards of 10 ears.

Some of those ears belong to teenagers and adults getting second holes or cartilage piercings. For first-timers, it’s a big deal. Many of them have waited months, or even years, for the big day.

Birthday present

Jennifer Mattox usually sleeps past noon on the weekends. Today, she woke up at 9 a.m.

The reason: the Lynchburg girl is getting her ears pierced for her 13th birthday.

Jennifer slumps in the piercing chair as her mother, Rhonda Mattox, signs the forms. Jennifer wears a fuchsia Mickey Mouse T-shirt, striped skirt and leggings with hearts. Her toenails and fingernails are painted white.

Claire’s employee Alisha Floyd draws purple dots on Jennifer’s ears where the studs will go. Floyd notices some scar tissue and asks if Jennifer’s ever had her ears pierced before.

Mom explains that Jennifer got her ears pierced when she was 8. Because Jennifer’s a side sleeper, the earrings irritated her at night, so she let the holes close up.

Today,Jennifer is as nervous as ever but prepared for some mild nighttime irritation.

“It’s one of the things, being a girl, you’re going to have to deal with if you want earrings,” Floyd says to Jennifer.

“Yeah, exactly,” Mom says.

“Beauty is pain,” Floyd says.

Floyd positions the piercing gun against the lobe. Jennifer stares blankly ahead, squeezing mom’s hand. The gun clicks.

Silence.

Jennifer doesn’t flinch.

Round two, she’s still as a statue.

With the worst part over, Jennifer admires her new earrings. Tomorrow, she will show them off at her birthday party.

The big choice

Almost as important as the piercing itself is the selection of the first pair of earrings a girl will wear when it’s time to remove the piercing studs.

The studs must stay in for six weeks while the ear heals. After that, anything goes.

Claire’s sells earrings in every color of the rainbow, from the basic hoops and studs to quirkier options like miniature handcuffs and barnyard animals. There are hippie-inspired peace sign, skulls and crossbones for punk rockers, and cascading chandelier earrings for glamour queens.

Her first pair

Kaitlyn Alexander knows exactly what she wants.

In six weeks, the 11-year-old Mechanicsville native plans to replace her citrine piercing studs (her November birthstone) with earrings of Bobby Jack, a bubble-faced cartoon monkey.

Most of her female classmates already have their ears pierced, she says. Kaitlyn got hers pierced when she was 4, but they closed up. She wants them re-pierced before she goes to middle school next year.

Kaitlyn is in Lynchburg visiting her grandmother. Though she’s wanted her ears pierced for months, getting them done today was a spur-of-the-moment decision.

Now the moment has arrived. Eyes squeezed tight, Kaitlyn grimaces as she awaits the piercing gun. Tears well in the cornersof her eyes.

“Ow,” she says with a sniffle.

When both ears are pierced, Kaitlyn inspects them in the mirror with a serious face. Her mother, Kelly Jones,looks on with a smile.

Mother-daughter time

The first ear piercing is usually a mother-daughter affair.

Part of that is out of necessity. Children under 18 must be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian to get their ears pierced at Claire’s.

But mom provides more than just a signature for forms. She can be a pillar of support.

At Claire’s, the ear piercing station is located in the storefront window, usually the domain of mannequins and flashy merchandise displays. When a girl’s about to go under the gun, shoppers will sometimes stop in their tracks to watch.

Mom can provide the words of support that make the experience more bearable.

A big high five

In the case of needle-phobic Kaunyia, her mother’s watchful eye is making it worse.

With her both ears pierced, Kaunyia allows her mom to turn around.

“See, it wasn’t that bad,” Scott says, giving Kaunyia a big high five.

The subdued Kaunyia begins to speak quickly.

“Now my friends at school are gonna be like, ‘Kaunyia got her ears pierced,’” she exclaims.

She pauses. “I didn’t cry.”

After a glimpse in the mirror, Kaunyia grabs two lollipops from the candy jar at the piercing station and wanders the store.

She eyes a rack full of earrings.

“Aw, that’s tight,” she says, fingering a pair of pink spiky balls.

“Not now,” her mother says. The ears have to heal.

Six more weeks.